Anxiety? really?

I've just spent one of the best weekends I've had in a while with a few firsts:

Last Friday I met a fellow Moho Blogger for lunch (After the fact edit--I guess it was ok to share!); we spent a good while talking and sharing a little bit about our lives. I wish I had been able to spend much more time, but nonetheless it was a great & positive experience and yes I've yet to have a bad experience meeting fellow Mohos in person.

Later in the evening I had dinner with the babe and he made strawberry margaritas; he made me a list of things to purchase--let's just say that walking into a liquor store is intimidating as hell; I had no idea of all the different kinds of tequila that there are, so just picked one based on the shape of the bottle that I liked---he, he, he, if that's not a sign of being a gay amateur drinker, I don't know what is!!

I have to be honest, I was anxious about the drinking alcohol--my biological father was an alcoholic and I'm sure it was a huge contributor to his death at age 36-- and I'm not even sure where or from whom I heard about this concept but for some reason while growing up I always felt that the minute I tasted a drop of alcohol I'd turn into a raging alcoholic--obviously not true. I also always felt that drinking would make me lose control and the control freak in me would probably make the biggest ass of myself--for which I'd never be able to remember my actions. I obviously didn't drink to oblivion, but just enough to feel a weird but also fun buzz and I'm happy to report that the worst thing I probably did was giggle for dumb things but I never felt lack of control for my thoughts or actions and lucky for me, no hangover the next day!!

On Saturday, I went to my first Gay wedding!! I was lucky to be invited by one of the grooms and I wasn't sure what to expect, so got ready, met the babe again and we headed out to the event. Again, I felt a surge of anxiety because I knew that a lot of their family members are active LDS and I wasn't sure what other things to expect but soon enough my fears were erased. The ceremony was beautiful and touching. They exchanged vows and I have to admit to feeling a tear or two; again, another pleasant "first" and I had nothing to be anxious about.

Today was father's day, I got texts and calls from several friends and family wishing me a Happy Father's day. Even the ex texted me, and I quote: "H F D" (hey that's the most she has talked to me in a couple of weeks!!) I spent the day with the kids grilling food, watching soccer and then we went on a drive for the afternoon--of course no drive is complete without first stopping at the convenience store for drinks and junk food!!! I love spending times like this with them, seems we just let go and enjoy the time we're spending together, no talk about separation, divorce, gayness--nothing just pure joy and happiness that we're able to be together. I hate that I have to drop them off at mom's--it tears my heart a little-- but I make a point to hug them and tell them how much I love them and it is one of the few times that I actually hear-- "love you too dad"...

So as my weekend draws to an end, I have nothing but feelings of gratefulness and feeling loved all around and yet I feel anxiety--I am not even sure why or what I am anxious about and this part bugs me. Why can't I just let it go? Why do I have to focus on the anxiety instead of all the amazing stuff that has happened to me in the last three days? Is it that I fear my bubble will suddenly burst? Is it that I just need to relax and thank God for his benevolence and blessings in some other way? Is there something that I'm missing and it is so obvious I can't even see past the end of my nose? I want to dwell on the good stuff and let go of the anxiety part and yet I'm not sure how, maybe I need to get back to the shrink... Any ideas from the peanut gallery?