Saturday, January 3, 2009

Update on my so called life...

I haven't really made any decisions about my life.

My wife is in the middle of a medical treatment for a couple of different ailments. Right now the focus is on getting her better, getting her health back to as normal as I can before I can deal with anything else. I guess this gives a true meaning to "in sickness and in health"...

Not to say that I don't think about how to deal with my situation. There are things that keep me awake at night:

1. Last time I tried to come out to my wife it was a complete disaster. How may it go this time around? I was ordered to move out and was threatened pretty much to forget about having anything to do with my kids--even though I was initially told it would all be solved amicably.
2. Do I come out to my kids? I'm sure it wouldn't be a total shock to them, but how would they take it/how would it affect them?
3. Family? Last time I talked to my mother about this and she took it as a green light to deal with her own demons (none of which had anything to do with me). My dad felt that he failed me as a father...sigh!
4. If it gets to a point that we separate (or try again), how will we live? two houses--how in the world can we afford that? Kids aren't as little anymore--but I'm sure they would be affected seriously.
5. If for some miraculous reason my wife accepts me, would she accept being in a mixed marriage? One time she actually told me that she could work on any kind of problem, except for the gay thing---

Well, don't want to bore anyone with my boring life. I was able to attend the Moho party on the 31st at Dichotomy's house, even if it was for a short time (by the time I left it was just starting to get under way) but met a few amazing people there, it was nice to be able to talk to others freely, no judgment and feel nothing but acceptance, love and offers of unconditional support. I only wish I could have stayed there longer, but I was told that there will be other opportunities. Well, here's to a new year!!