Thursday, May 20, 2010

Adventures in waiting...

Did you know that in UT divorcing parents are obligated to take a divorce course ?

The course costs $55 (well the books do anyway--but we didn't even go through them in class, they did reference them briefly but man, that's an expensive set of handouts!) The class I attended was packed, most everyone attended alone, a few people attended with friends and there were even a few divorcing couples who attended together. The message of the classes were:

1. Resolve everything between yourselves before you have to go to a mediator, attorneys and judges, it will save insane amounts of money, time and Judges hate to have to make decisions for families and children so they rule instead and most of the time it isn't what anyone expected or wanted in the first place.
2. Don't use the children as your best friends, messengers, weapons, spies, punishment or retribution against the other parent.
3. Said parent (ex-spouse) is never going to be out of the picture--deal with it--learn to be civil and get along for the children's sake.
4. You (and the ex) will likely be in relationships again within the next 5 years, don't use the new person as an excuse to neglect your kids and if possible procure that they'll be friends with your ex--you'll all be together for lots of family events anyway, so why not just make an effort.

The ex went to take her class last weekend. All certificates are submitted to the courts and now we just sit and wait for the decree to come whenever it does. She made a joke and said to me: "You're almost free!" All I could muster was an indecisive smile and then replied that I really should lighten up and left it at that... however, if it had been me who said: "hey I'm almost free!" all kinds of hell and damnation would have fallen upon me. I guess the more things change the more they stay the same... LOL

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Coming out party

I got on the phone this morning to talk to some of my female relatives in another state to wish them happy mother's day. I talked to two of my sisters whom I had not come out to officially--I know they had heard about me, one of them denied it (she is probably the most straight-forward LDS faithful in the family)--but oh well. I still felt impressed to let them know about me, that I wasn't about to force anyone into accepting anything, just wanted them to know what's going on.

The responses were basically that nothing has changed, their love and respect remains the same. I then called the mother of my best friend growing up. Funny how I can go for months not talking to her and the minute I call her it is like we just chatted yesterday. She had only heard through the grapevine that I had separated and I also felt the need to give her the full story. She has a gay son so she started crying, told me that she felt bad because of the hard life I was going to be facing, but at the same time she also congratulated me on being brave enough to take this step.

By now all but one of my siblings know about me by me telling them directly. The only one missing is my oldest one (no answer, no voicemail option) but I know this one knows through my mother. Their overall responses have been of love. My very LDS sister--I had been meaning to talk to her forever about this, the words on the tip of my tongue but they just wouldn't come out, so I had to gather all my strength to just say it. She though about it for a second and then said that she was glad that being gay nowadays is not the ugly stigma that it used to be thanks to it being so much in the limelight and people are more and more used to it. I know she probably had lots of things racing through her mind, but I'm glad she probably bit her tongue and instead just voiced her unconditional love over and over. It felt great to finally get this out in the open with some of them.

I can't believe how emotionally charged I felt after this morning---lately seems that just about anything brings out the waterworks, so much for being Mr Control Freak, which is how I had always thought of myself, ha!

All in all, lots accomplished today, it was a good day!