So where am I now?
- I've come out to family & friends, at least the ones that matter the most in my life. I've considered doing the public-mass email to everyone just announcing it or doing a public coming out on Facebook but something tells me to just let things evolve naturally and that makes more sense to me. So far I've not had negative responses from the people I've talked to and I hope that this continues being the case--although I am realistic enough to know that there'll be some bumps on the road now and then.
- Divorce has officially happened and I did not end up under the bridge-- to be honest I didn't postpone filing for divorce because I thought we might reconcile--I think it was pretty clear from the beginning of the separation that we were done, otherwise we wouldn't have ever split up--but because I feared that I'd end up squatting in some obscure basement room with no ability to continue having some sense of control over my quality of life--I know that is pretty irrational--but some days I was made feel in no uncertain way by my ex that she'd take me to the cleaners. Now we're redefining our relationship, sometimes it is rocky, most of the time it is just civil, if nothing else for the sake of the kids.
- I have somehow managed to maintain a good relationship with my kids. I know they're disappointed in so many ways, but they're also very resilient. My heart has bled many times when I've seen their sad and anxious faces. At times I've feared that they'd tell me they want to have nothing to do with me--which is one of the possibilities in life, regardless of the issues--but I've tried to if nothing else show them constant attention, love and affection. I hope that someday we'll look in retrospect and all agree that it was the best thing for all of us and that our dad-children relationship keeps evolving through the years.
Will I keep blogging as Public Loneliness? Will I change my blog name to Public Exposure as Controllerone suggested? he, he, he...I'll probably keep blogging here, ranting and the occasional shot at the church, my life isn't over, why should my blog? LOL