The Facebook Connondrum of My So Called Life...

I’ve debated posting this note on the infamous Facebook for several months and it I think it is about time it gets published but would like to know if anyone has any wisdom to share. I think it is time for me to stop tippy-toeing around many issues and post about more about the stuff I really want and talk about and so forth. I have the example of a few Mohos that have done this part of me says it isn’t a big deal and part says it is, so that’s where I don’t really know what to do. So I drafted something that goes like this:

I signed up for this social network roughly in November of 2008, not really knowing what to expect and soon enough I was connecting with people back to my days in middle school back in Mexico, high school in Houston, mission, church days, past & present work, old and new friends made all in between all those times and of course, immediate and extended family.

I don’t consider my life to be that extraordinary, but experiences and events in my life have made it what it is & the people who have been in and out of it through the years have definitely shaped to be what it is, for better or worse… So where does that leave little ordinary me? While I don’t expect everyone to know everything about me at all times, and agree/disagree with me, I find that I censor myself here a lot (who doesn’t?). The people that are close to me know enough of what's going on and I like that, but there are times when I am still in fear of offending people's feelings and I suppose in an attempt to make everyone aware of what’s really going on in my life and the people I interact on site together, here it goes:

I used to go to middle school, but I don’t anymore

I used to go to high school, but I graduated many years ago! 

I was a missionary in Mexico for the LDS church a long time ago, but that was then

I was married for 16 years, but I am divorced now

I have two amazing and beautiful children who are very smart, outspoken, and feisty and the light of my life

I have not been an active Mormon for several years

I am a gay man and I am finally comfortable with who I am and who I’ve become. I am dating someone at the moment (he's doesn't do the Facebook thing, BTW) at the same time learning how to mesh and combine all the parts of my life that have got me where I am and where my life leads.

If you’re still reading this far, I need to clarify that just as all the different areas of my life it is just that, things about me; they all are components of my life, not the one thing that makes me as an individual but one of my goals in 2011 is to work hard at  being a better me. I don't expect everyone to agree and sure enough I wouldn't be surprised to lose some of you, that's OK, it is part of life and I accept it.

Is it even worth posting it? Any thoughts?

Facebook's Fight Against Child Abuse Weekend

I started noticing some of my FB peeps changing their profile pictures through Monday in the fight against child abuse. At first I fought the urge to jump on he bandwagon and this is the reason why:

My mother and my older sister think that someone sexually abused me as a kid, which is why I'm gay....

Well nothing could be further than the truth. I don't remember being sexually abused. Certainly by now in my 40's the memory as much as I would have tried to regress it would have found its way to resurge. I am not a professional in this field, but I certainly think I know myself well enough. Still studies (and I'm sorry I don't have references, this is just a blog post, not a college paper!) say that most of the child abusers are: 1. Heterosexual 2. Someone that the child knows and trusts.

Now I don't discount the fact that a lot of gay men were sexually abused as children. I've heard lots of pretty horrific stories about being abused by older brothers, cousins, uncles, neighbors, scoutmasters, etc. Still save a couple of the men who attribute it directly to the sexual abuse, most of the men say that the abuse in itself was/is not the wild card to their sexuality. This topic may have been brought up in blogs before: Is it nature or is it nurture?

Is it that gay boys have a tendency not to be overbearing that makes them ideal targets for abusers or is it the 'exploring' nature that makes them experiment?  This may be overreaching, but I believe that there's a big difference between sitting in a tent with a bunch (or one or two) of other teenagers all in their underwear and suddenly a wrestling match turns into something else OR as one of my friends explained (GRAPHIC WARNING HERE!): Being startled from sleep with the scoutmaster's penis in his mouth---Now that's sexual abuse!!

Other less graphic theories may include the lack of closeness to a male father figure, well I had plenty of those around, lots of church leaders, uncles, cousins and certainly my stepdad. I've talked about our relationship (or lack of) on this blog in the past but as far as I can I had no lack of access to manly role models. Others may say that I was raised with too many females around (growing up with 7 sisters might be a qualifier) and yeah I did learn to make french braids and the side pony tail on the Barbie--LOL-- but then again: So did my brother and he is not gay!! While I believe that the nurture theory does play somewhat of a role in someone's gayness--and again, I'm not a professional so take it for what it is-- in my mind role of nature has to be the clincher here.

Now this just about sexual abuse. I do believe that emotional abuse can probably be just as scarring and by no means it is less damaging to a child's psyche. This is ultimately why this morning I thought that abuse is abuse and a child should never have to live through any of it, so I joined in and changed my profile picture, I just had to think it over a few hours, sleep on it if you may.