Monday, March 29, 2010

A New Chapter...

In which Ricky Martin finally confesses that we're lovers...

Ha, ha, ha!! Don't I wish! A man so handsome like him cannot possibly be straight! :-)

When I heard about it I thought, and that's news, because?

Still I can only imagine that in spite of his celebrity decides it is time to be true to himself, all else be damned. I was a big fan already, now I'm a HUGE fan of his!!

OK back to regular programming and my menial life!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Worlds collide

Last time I posted I wrote about trying to figure out how to bled my extreme opposite worlds together (ex & kids + boyfriend). I was starting to feel the pressure of the two coming together in a very uncomfortable way and I wasn't quite prepared for that to happen.

Well last night they did. My ex and kids know I'm dating someone now. Not very much more than that. It was high tension all around, it was kind of funny but it was also horrifying. It took me a while to calm down from this. I suppose there was no way for this to ever happen in a perfect way, with a spot-on speech as I pictured it, but I'm glad it is finally out in the open, the last thing I wanted when I came out as a Gay man was to live double lives and that was starting to really get heavy on me.

I know I have huge things to overcome, I can't just expect people to suddenly agree to have Sunday dinners, walks in the park and be--what's the term? "Facebook Official" ?!?!?? LOL

Still there's a sense of relief that this has happened, now I can move on from that stress. That's about the only way I can cope with it and look forward to the rest.

Oh the adventures!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Selfishness Act II

I had blogged about this topic last year (go here) and at the time I was in a very different place in my life where things were so raw and painful after my separation from my ex. I have been thinking a little more about this lately because the way my life is, seems like I want it all:

1. I want a close relationship with my kids
2. I want to keep building on a good relationship with my ex
3. I want to be with/around "the boyfriend"--yikes, did I just use that term?!?-- all the time.

I want it all! Well, maybe not want it all, just the three things above and working in good harmony. I am not asking for to much, am I?

Is this selfishness or just human nature? I keep thinking in time it may all happen, but how long? Right now there's no way I can blend all these worlds together, it just isn't feasable and my mind understands it, but the heart is stubborn!

Time, just give it time. I'm not sure what this posting is all about.

Oh yeah, I'm a selfish SOB...

Sunday, March 14, 2010

March theme: First Kiss

I wish I had a good story to tell here like having fallen in love with a mission companion or my teenage best friend and finding out what an amazing experience it was to kiss a man for the first time at an age when exploring is the norm--it just didn't happen for me. Being closeted and scared to death to recognize, let alone admit to myself I was gay was not in the cards.

I can tell you about what it was like to kiss females as I dated a little before getting married but you all don't want to hear about that, do you? Well, just a quick peek: The first woman I kissed was actually a sister from my mission--don't panic we were both done with our missions, LOL-- I had traveled to UT for a wedding, somehow we met and as she 'showed me around' we ended up kissing. I felt nothing, but having nothing to compare it to I wasn't sure what to make of that. I went back home and although we toyed with the thought of a relationship nothing really materialized.

Forward many, many years (no too long ago, actually!-yeah I was slow) After I separating from my wife and trying to pick up the pieces of my life I had been chatting with someone online, just emailing back/forth, we found lots of commonalities and likes and having met in person a couple of times it finally happened unexpectedly, no fanfare, no romantic candles, no violin music, it was a quick innocent peck that was as explosive, electrifying and a feeling like nothing I had ever experienced in my life and made me think: "Wow! This is what I've been missing my entire life."

And I was finally converted!!!

I've been seeing someone who has showed me a world I had no idea it existed. Yeah the kissing has developed into much, much more that confirmed that I'm indeed gay as a three dollar bill, ha, ha,ha!! But seriously, the connection has been way more than the physical/sexual and gone beyond any expectations. I highly recommend it for those who wander!! :)

I don't regret my life up to last year entirely because I've experienced a lot of joy and happiness through having a family, although I've often felt horrible for the angst and pain I've caused my ex--that is a sore spot that will take a long time to go away. If I had to do it all over again, I might still do it oddly enough, but the only thing I'd do different would be to tell her about my man-to-man attractions--There's a likelihood that she wouldn't have married me--and she has said that, but it would have been 100% more fair to her. Do I regret not exploring and having figured this out when I was younger, well yeah, I do, but my life experiences have brought me to where I am now and I can't live in that mode, it isn't healthy & I have so much more to live for.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The gayest night of the year...

The Academy Awards (Oscars) are on tonight & I'm working. I seriously need to rethink my priorities.... :-)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Gay Marriage in Mexico City

Wow, of all places in the world, Mexico City is getting there, praise be!

This Article has details. Still not 100% there, but getting closer and closer to equality.

I remember strolling through downtown Mexico City a couple of years ago and seeing gay couples in the subway and in the park, some of them having very openly public display of affection, but no more than hetero couples do.


(Ok this is the part where everyone is supposed to shout back: VIVA!!!--in case you didn't know! :-) )