Sunday, February 28, 2010

February theme: Crushes

As I have explained before, while growing up I was way too afraid to crush on someone--male or female for that matter! I think part of me was fearful to let any kind of romantic feelings to grow towards guys because well, it was wrong (as I had learned; thanks SW Kimball!!) and towards girls because well the feeling just wasn't there! Still I remember growing up as silly as this sounds, having the biggest crush on TV guys, the biggest one being on Greg Brady... (yeah I'm old, ha!)

Once when I was living in Provo briefly I got an assignment to home visit a guy who I was told was thinking of having his name removed from the church records. I wasn't sure what that was all about so I went with my companion, he welcomed us into his apartment and I we talked for a good while. All this time I kept thinking: "I know this guy, but where from?". His arguments for wanting to have his name removed were that he was as my companion politely put it: "Same-sex struggles". I honestly don't remember what we discussed, or at least details of what was said--I do remember wanting to go back to his house afterwards to talk to him, tell him that I too had the same issues but I was too chicken to even think about coming out then. It wasn't until later on in the week when I turned the TV on to watch Center Street (an old LDS show that was produced at BYU) that I saw the guy whose living room I sat in and it dawned on me who the cutie was!

Oh the life!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Thoughts and ramblings

I haven't had much time to blog lately, work has been insane.

While catching up with the "Mohosphere" I found a couple of blogs of Gay, Mormon, Married and active LDS men (Who'd ever thunk this would ever be the case?) I like reading Bravone's perspectives and his life journey--I've met the guy, he is just as genuine in real life as he sounds in his blog. Of course these are just a few examples, there's plenty of others who are active and the gamma runs in all directions.

I did hear sometime ago how the LDS church leaders were encouraging members to blog and share their life and experiences within the church's context (sorry, no link for that). I don't know if they expected to get responses from people like the Mohos, but for one I am glad that guys like the ones mentioned above have the balls to post about their experiences. Personally, I don't know that it would have made much of a difference in my life/choices but it would have certainly been much easier to know that I wasn't the only Married, Mormon and Gay person in the world as I once thought. I wouldn't dare say that I'd still be active and all but hey, I suppose when we look at things in retrospect we'd always do anything differently if we could.

I have a great deal of respect for those who in spite of being in a church that preaches so much about the pure love of Christ and how much each individual matters and is a central part of the Plan of Salvation manages to turn right around and exclude those who don't seem to fit in the cookie cutter version of the plan. I just don't get it, but I do get the point that others might understand things differently and/or want to make sure their voice is heard somehow--even from the confines of internet anonymity--but hey whatever makes us happy, right?

But in many ways I do see progress, this Salt Lake Tribune Article that was pointed out to me by Scott on Facebook gave me hope that maybe, at least slowly things are changing and I'm grateful for Stake Presidents who are working hard to build bridges instead of breaking them down. I was especially touched by the last paragraph in this article:

Coming back » In what she calls, the "dark days of Proposition 8," Schweidel took a "leave of absence" from the church. She didn't know if she could return. But when Criddle and Marostica asked her to tell her story at one of the joint sessions, she readily accepted.

She has been attending and involved ever since.

"The special meeting made me want to be part of a positive change in the church," she says. "I want to talk to people, to explain why I feel like I do, and help them try to understand."

That may work in Berkeley, but how about Bountiful?

Schweidel is hopeful. There are two kinds of Mormons, she says, quoting a friend: those who know gay people and those who don't know they know gay people. The task, she says, is to move more members from the second to the first category. "If my mom in Orem had gay neighbors next door, I know she would love them," Schweidel says. "The Mormons I have spoken to make an effort to understand. They totally get it."

I really want to know how this might go in Bountiful, West Jordan, Orem, Provo. If it can be done in Oakland, CA it can be done in Texas, Hawaii, Mexico and anywhere else, in my opinion and why not, deep down in the heart of Happy Valley. I wonder how many of my own very staunch LDS relatives, friends and mission companions would react if they knew about me... I don't really have a point here, and I'm sorry I don't have much profound, wise or earth-shattering things to say. Just want to share my rambling and distorted thoughts before getting back to the real world and the madness that I live in. Does life ever slow down? I was told by someone that it does: When I'm dead... well then I'll take the alternative, sounds much more fun!