I've been thinking about this word for a few days and wanted to write about it.
Selfishness is the act of placing one's needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. In church terms it is quite the opposite of love and charity.
Many people argue that claiming to be gay is only because of being selfish, only wanting what works and is best for me. Sure, the homo world may be full of people like that and it might give us a bad rap, but not everyone is like that.
Still, am I a selfish turd because in my efforts to be happy I chose to marry and have children?
Am I now selfish because I finally have come to realize that marriage (well at least the hetero-kind) doesn't work for me and want to move on and pursue whatever happiness might mean?
The last thing I want to be labeled of is being selfish. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to keep myself hidden and suppresed. I believe I am paying a very high price for being true to myself with yet more sweat, blood and tears; but I don't see any other way.
In the end I guess we all have to answer to a God that knows the true intentions of our hearts. I guess it is just one of those things...
I have thought SO much about this, and actually have a draft for a blog post on it that I'm still trying to figure out. What it essentially says is that life is selfishness. That isn't to say that each act we perform is solely selfish - we do things to help other people with the intent to help them - but at the same time we are hoping for something in return. Salvation itself is in fact selfish. We are trying to get ourselves into heaven. Selfishness, I don't think, is bad. We must have charity and love, but we must be watching out for ourselves and doing what will be best for us. Do what you think will bring you closer to God and will help others, and leave the judgment up to God. Great post!
ReplyDeleteHi Hidden! You make a great point in balancing the giving and watching out for ourselves! I wish it wasn't so complicated sometimes. I also do have other thoughts on this very topic that I might expand on later, but don't want to start writing novels!
ReplyDeletehugs,pl
I just found your blog through links, but I agree about the balance being what is needed.
ReplyDeleteThe commandment is to love our neighbors as our self. While the tendency is to love ourselves more, sometimes we overreact and love the neighbor more. Neither is how it should be.
In the movie Terms of Endearment, the mother is talking to her son and says (paraphrased) "I love you so much; I love you as much as I love myself." That has always stuck with me. I think loving oneself, and the related interest in finding happiness for oneself, is often confused with selfishness. I don't think someone can truly be unselfish without a healthy love and interest in himself.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that there is a LOT of hypocrisy in folks (and this seems to be mostly men) who say "you are so selfish because you accept that you are gay" and other similarly-themed statements. Easy for them to say. They accept and make it publicly clear that they are heterosexual, and pursue courtship, romance, sexual relations and family to satisfy their "selfish" interest. But the minute we even announce our homosexual orientation, we are suddenly selfish. Right.
I think the label "selfish" in this context is a more comfortable way of expressing their dislike of, discomfort with and disgust for people that are homosexual or, frankly, in any way different.
Hi j4K and Controller:
ReplyDeleteThanks for both of your comments, yes, we often focus so much on the part about loving others that we forget we can't do that if we don't love ourselves first. Excellent points!
hugs,pl