To all the gay men I've loved before...

Ha, ha, ha, just had to use that catchy phrase, but no worries, I am not going to reveal anything or out anyone I shouldn't.... this is not that kind of posting (not on election night for heaven's sakes!!) :-) I believe it was Invictus Pilgrim who posted an awesome history of gay men on his blog that made me think about who were some of the early gay people in my life, so here's a quick summary:

I think the first gay man I was ever aware of has to be the Mexican singer/composer Juan Gabriel.

Here was this very effeminate cutie pie that women would scream for and even went as far as to marry and have children but he eventually came out of the closet (gee sound familiar?). The man is a superstar DIVA --kind of a Mexican Elton John-- and his popularity only grows and sadly does his belly, he doesn't look anything like the pic above anymore, but people seem to have grown to just adore him; I think most everyone figured; the guy is talented, so what if he likes men! 

The second gay man I recall is a guy that was someone my family met when we converted to the LDS church. His name is... well let's just call him Ray. I have an old picture of his from when he was my teacher in Primary I think, but I doubt he'd be happy of me posting it. This guy was the poster child for Mormon men. He did everything in the church, talented, funny, easy going and he danced Mexican Folk Dancing like a pro (he had some very OGT's). Eventually he also got married and last I heard (over 15 years ago or so) he was still married, but my parents always referred him as "the kid with all the mannerisms", he, he, he..

Perhaps the next gay man I knew was my Senior year English and Technical Theatre teacher (why on earth did I end up in two different classes with him and not ever figure out he was a fairy or figure more about myself is beyond me!). His name was Mr Sanders. Of course I was so naive and clueless that I even asked him about his wife and he just muttered something as he walked away. But he was the nicest guy, very kind and he had us build the most FABULOUS sets for plays in school--but none of them musicals--now that I think about it.... weird, no? I've always wondered what happened to him and I imagine that if I ever won an Oscar (I don't even act!) I'd honor him on stage, but that's only because of the movie "In and Out".

As I came home from my mission I had a couple of roommates and friends that eventually figured were gay, but damn I was so closeted that no way on earth would I ever dared come out to them, let alone do anything with them. One of those roommates was semi-effeminate and also very nice and he was probably one of the roommates I ever came close to facing my gayness, but my parents demanded I kicked him out because as I was told by them "He reminds us of Ray, the guy with the mannerisms", sigh.... Someday I'll have to write about him... that may be a posting in itself. Before I got married my mission president actually told me about a couple of elders who had come out and were living "the homosexual lifestyle", I don't know what prompted him to tell me that, maybe he was giving me signals that it was OK for me to consider that possibility....

The signs were all there!!

Moving up in the ranks of the church I always had crushes on good-looking men --yeah all ye Elder Quorum and Ward Mission Leaders beware, I crushed on many of ye big time, but being so closeted again, I never dared say or do anything, because as Christ-like as many of them wanted to be, I knew I'd potentially get my sorry ass kicked if I ever dared. Some bishops actually mentioned members by name in meetings who had been seen coming out of gay bars (did they even have those in SLC I thought?) and they way they referred to them was so hostile and so badly I could only sink lower in the closet and only think: "If you only knew there's one in your midst".  

Oddly enough the next gay man I knew about was my X's uncle. We visited family in the Bay area and almost stayed in his house, but his sister warned us against that, but she wouldn't say why. We ended up visiting him and he introduced us to his "roommate". During that visit our 1-year old toddler fell asleep and he asked us to lay him in his bed, so I went into his bedroom and to my surprise there was only a queen-size bed...  I thought "mmmh, roommates with only 1 bed?" LOL..Also, the reason we went on that trip was for the wedding of my X's cousin and guess what, years down the road.... yep, he's gay too! :-P

This is getting long, but I left the LDS church just before coming out of the closet and used to hang out at some of the online Exmo-communities and of course they all have their token gay members. I wrote back and forth with one of the members who lived in Seattle and was openly gay, partner and all, but have lost track of him, but eventually met two others in person after they knew me/about me on the community and eventually coming out to them. I have to say meeting them was one of the most positive experiences of my life. I also participated--I am still subscribed to a gay/mormon list of men who are or were married (The Cha Cha Brotherhood) but I never met anyone in person until years later. All these experiences actually gave me the confidence to meet other gay people in person and the Mohosphere has provided me a good outlet to build good friendships with other gay men. 

This posting probably doesn't have a point other than my own mind's trigger for memory, but I'm sure there are tons of other men who I probably don't even have a clue about (some of them relatives, I'm sure!) but at least from my experience, that gives you a rough idea.