Friendships

This is one of the blog posts that I’ve been mulling in my head for a while. Probably nothing earth shattering, or newsworthy; just personal observations.

First off, the standard pity line: “I never had many close friends growing up” :-)


I chalk this to a few factors: Moving a lot and not growing deep roots anywhere, being insecure & being the object of kid’s humiliation probably prevented me from hanging out with A type kids who ruled with horror on the school playgrounds (or kids in general). High school was a whirlwind of stress, classes, hormones and of course the LDS spin on my life that taught me I was: Not of the world--there also weren’t that many LDS kids in my school, not that it would have helped getting close to anyone, I wouldn’t even deal with the possibility of falling in love with a friend, that was nowhere near my radar!! Does anyone really have a best friend growing up?


Many of my mission companions and I always made plans to stay in touch in the future, little did we know that life (school, marriages, children, jobs) would basically get in the way—but the intentions were good. I had a small group of good friends while I was still single and we got pretty close –not in a sexual way at all—but again, after we all got married our wives (who are now just about all of our exes—oh irony…. ha, ha, ha!!) never really got along so friendships were sadly lost that way. Church, well church is church but just for the record: Home and Visiting teaching do not count as friendship, I may be generalizing and I’m sure there are exceptions, but again, just the way I see it. I do have to admit that a lot of times (as others may have mentioned) the fear of getting close to a guy for fear of falling in love with him or the danger of doing something that might seem inappropriate was a factor in not getting too comfortable being friends with someone as well.


So where does all of this leave divorced, gay men like me? When I first came out & started seeking out friendships with other gay men, the majority of them lost interest after there was no indication that we might be, um…getting it on? I was told by one of those friends that most of his friends were past boyfriends and after they moved on that’s just how their relationships evolved. Some of the men admitted that many of their friends were “FWB” for whenever the need arose. I’m not a prude but frankly I scratch my head about that one—maybe it is a gay cultural thing!


I think I’m not the only one who feels safe (and glad) to have many Mohos as friends—sure many of them are handsome and sexy and yeah I wont lie that the thought did not occassionaly cross my mind—and I know there have been couples formed that started out as friends in the Mohosphere but it really isn’t THE only thing that happens—well at least no one admits to anything happening, right? Guys? Really? Anyone wants to fess up about what happens after Scott’s parties? The main reason I like Moho friends is that at least in my experience there isn't that automatic layer of "let's see what I can say or do to get in your pants". Sure there might be some harmless hugs, flirting and all but again--maybe I'm off my rocker here, but that has been my experience.


I’ve been very fortunate to have formed good friendships with a couple of Mohos local and out of state (they know who they are) & some of the men from the Gay Father’s group most of who are, you guessed it, Mohos!! They get what I’m talking about, what I talk or may rant about and simply: They’ve been there, done that. We can be out and about, doing our thing, be missing for days, weeks or months, but once we connect the synergy and friendship picks up right where we left off and I like  that as our own friendships grow and evolve we get more and more comfortable talking and dealing with issues (some serious, some silly) that we might not talk about in an open forum, but here's still plenty of banter and fun exchanges.


I was of the idea that a person can’t have enough friends and that’s great but lately I’ve thought that having a few close friends and many acquaintances might be best...


Anyone has additional insights on the subject?