My mother and my older sister think that someone sexually abused me as a kid, which is why I'm gay....
Well nothing could be further than the truth. I don't remember being sexually abused. Certainly by now in my 40's the memory as much as I would have tried to regress it would have found its way to resurge. I am not a professional in this field, but I certainly think I know myself well enough. Still studies (and I'm sorry I don't have references, this is just a blog post, not a college paper!) say that most of the child abusers are: 1. Heterosexual 2. Someone that the child knows and trusts.
Now I don't discount the fact that a lot of gay men were sexually abused as children. I've heard lots of pretty horrific stories about being abused by older brothers, cousins, uncles, neighbors, scoutmasters, etc. Still save a couple of the men who attribute it directly to the sexual abuse, most of the men say that the abuse in itself was/is not the wild card to their sexuality. This topic may have been brought up in blogs before: Is it nature or is it nurture?
Is it that gay boys have a tendency not to be overbearing that makes them ideal targets for abusers or is it the 'exploring' nature that makes them experiment? This may be overreaching, but I believe that there's a big difference between sitting in a tent with a bunch (or one or two) of other teenagers all in their underwear and suddenly a wrestling match turns into something else OR as one of my friends explained (GRAPHIC WARNING HERE!): Being startled from sleep with the scoutmaster's penis in his mouth---Now that's sexual abuse!!
Other less graphic theories may include the lack of closeness to a male father figure, well I had plenty of those around, lots of church leaders, uncles, cousins and certainly my stepdad. I've talked about our relationship (or lack of) on this blog in the past but as far as I can I had no lack of access to manly role models. Others may say that I was raised with too many females around (growing up with 7 sisters might be a qualifier) and yeah I did learn to make french braids and the side pony tail on the Barbie--LOL-- but then again: So did my brother and he is not gay!! While I believe that the nurture theory does play somewhat of a role in someone's gayness--and again, I'm not a professional so take it for what it is-- in my mind role of nature has to be the clincher here.
Now this just about sexual abuse. I do believe that emotional abuse can probably be just as scarring and by no means it is less damaging to a child's psyche. This is ultimately why this morning I thought that abuse is abuse and a child should never have to live through any of it, so I joined in and changed my profile picture, I just had to think it over a few hours, sleep on it if you may.
I personally have a distaste for the manipulative FB fads..."Change your picture" or "Say XYZ in your status update." Some causes I agree with, some I don't, but I refuse to do it.
ReplyDeleteI fail to see how my profile picture being a cartoon does anything to support the fight against child abuse.
I'm not sure why it irritates me so much. Perhaps it's the idea of someone telling me to do it if I want to come across as a good person...sounds too much like my former religion to me.
Oh, and I also am told that childhood sexual abuse was the cause of my becoming gay. I know it wasn't, but my problem is that I WAS sexually abused. I just know it didn't cause me to be gay. But it certainly makes my protestations fall flat, doesn't it.
Like the previous commenter, I fail to see how changing my facebook profile picture to a cartoon from my youth accomplishes anything. Well, I suppose it tells my facebook friends that I'm against child abuse - DUH! Shouldn't that be a given? I'm against rape too - should I change my facebook picture to my favorite flower?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you do bring up something that I've given some thought to; that is, if child abuse doesn't cause people to be gay then why does it seem that a disproportionate number of gay men and women were victims of sexual abuse when they were children?
I too was sexually abused as a child - in my case, it was some teenage boys down the street from where I lived when I was still in elementary school. But, I don't think that had anything to do with my sexual preference as an adult.
Perhaps those who are inclined towards having sex with children are able to sense something 'different' in those who will grow up to be gay - in other words, perhaps it's an 'effect' rather than a 'cause'.
I typically do not leave comments, but I just wanted to mention something for you to consider Dads.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever been driving around, watching TV, talking to a friend and something is seen, said, etc.. that reminds you to do something?
I agree that changing you icon is not the same as working for a child abuse agency, but I do believe that getting people to stick that information at the front of their brain is very important.
...just something to consider...
Hey Dads,
ReplyDeleteI hear you, I usually am not the kind of person to jump on the bandwagon on a FB trend but this just seemed like a worthwhile one and it may not save every child from being saved, but I have a lot of young relatives on FB and who knows if any of them might feel comfortable speaking should they find themselves in that position--some of this is about the awareness, not so much eradicating--might sound unrealistic but one never knows nowadays...
Abelard!
Like I sad on the blog, I think that gay kids (is it because they're sensitive, or is it that they seem like an easy target?!?) might get picked on the most, that's not a scientific observation but I think we may be on to something.
Stooky,
See my comment above, thanks for your input!
hugs,Miguel