March theme: First Kiss

I wish I had a good story to tell here like having fallen in love with a mission companion or my teenage best friend and finding out what an amazing experience it was to kiss a man for the first time at an age when exploring is the norm--it just didn't happen for me. Being closeted and scared to death to recognize, let alone admit to myself I was gay was not in the cards.

I can tell you about what it was like to kiss females as I dated a little before getting married but you all don't want to hear about that, do you? Well, just a quick peek: The first woman I kissed was actually a sister from my mission--don't panic we were both done with our missions, LOL-- I had traveled to UT for a wedding, somehow we met and as she 'showed me around' we ended up kissing. I felt nothing, but having nothing to compare it to I wasn't sure what to make of that. I went back home and although we toyed with the thought of a relationship nothing really materialized.

Forward many, many years (no too long ago, actually!-yeah I was slow) After I separating from my wife and trying to pick up the pieces of my life I had been chatting with someone online, just emailing back/forth, we found lots of commonalities and likes and having met in person a couple of times it finally happened unexpectedly, no fanfare, no romantic candles, no violin music, it was a quick innocent peck that was as explosive, electrifying and a feeling like nothing I had ever experienced in my life and made me think: "Wow! This is what I've been missing my entire life."

And I was finally converted!!!

I've been seeing someone who has showed me a world I had no idea it existed. Yeah the kissing has developed into much, much more that confirmed that I'm indeed gay as a three dollar bill, ha, ha,ha!! But seriously, the connection has been way more than the physical/sexual and gone beyond any expectations. I highly recommend it for those who wander!! :)

I don't regret my life up to last year entirely because I've experienced a lot of joy and happiness through having a family, although I've often felt horrible for the angst and pain I've caused my ex--that is a sore spot that will take a long time to go away. If I had to do it all over again, I might still do it oddly enough, but the only thing I'd do different would be to tell her about my man-to-man attractions--There's a likelihood that she wouldn't have married me--and she has said that, but it would have been 100% more fair to her. Do I regret not exploring and having figured this out when I was younger, well yeah, I do, but my life experiences have brought me to where I am now and I can't live in that mode, it isn't healthy & I have so much more to live for.