The Father's Daughter

I don't know if this qualifies as TMI but in an effort keep thoughts fluid I am going to write about it here and see if anyone dares give me an opinion and if nothing else it might just be pure entertainment as part of my blog narrative (see above for the train wreck reference).

I have a 10 (almost 11 year old) daughter. She is very mature for her age physically, mentally and quite precocious--of course I am biased and unashamed, I'm her dad!!!! This is the kid that the minute she was born she proceeded to wrap everyone around her little finger and me, along with her mom and brother became her staff. When she was in daycare she used to get bored and teachers actually sent her to the pre-school classes so she could have learned to write her name and started reading around age 3-4; she has always been ahead of the curve in that respect. Her family drawings were the best and even a friend of the family who was studying to be a psychologist mentioned that she had a very strong sense of family and God forbid, if that ever changed she'd have a real hard time dealing with it.

We have enjoyed as close as relationship as a dad/daughter can have. I've never been one to shy away from any topic and we've talked openly and candidly about a lot of things. When I came out to my kids a few months ago, almost immediately she said: "You two are going to split up, aren't you?" She was probably the last thread that kept me together with her mom for so long, I knew my son would likely be OK, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her--but I still did it. Her main house is at her mom's and I am lucky that at least when in school I get to see her almost every day. We sometimes get into deep conversations in which she tells me things that she says hasn't mentioned to anyone else, including mom--score for me, right?--however, sometimes I sense and feel her anger lashed at me. She'll say things like: "Dad, you're such a jerk" or "Gee dad, you're so dumb". She'll find ways to put me down, either being by ourselves or in front of other people. They may sound like innocent enough things but sometimes I sit there and wonder if I should do/say anything about it, part of me says I deserve it, I've pretty much wrecked her little life and part of me says in spite of everything I am still the dad, I should be respected.

I posed this question at the last Gay Father's meeting and received good input from other dads who have gone or are going through a similar situation. Among their thoughts were:

1. You're not her friend, you are her dad. You need to demand respect from her.
2. She probably has no other venue to express her anger/anxiety and although it might suck, she probably feels safe enough venting it on you, which is probably the better part, rather than her expressing her anger in self-destructive or other type of behavior.
3. She is going through a lot of changes, biological, mental as a tween and she'd probably still lash out to you even if you were still together with her mom, that's what 11 year old females typically go through.
4. Spend a lot of time with her 1 on 1. Do activities she likes to do, share a lot of things with her that both of you enjoy (and even some that you might not, the payoff in the end is amazing!) & continue letting her know that you're still there for her in every show and deed.

I honestly liked the input received. There may be more of the thoughts I heard, but that's the gyst of what I remember. I've tried to show her how important she and her brother are (and have even included mom in some of the activities we've done). The perspectives helped me see things not just from the "Look at me, I'm the abused one" in the relationship. So are there any additional thoughts or input that anyone might have? Any other pointers I can follow or anything else I need to be aware of? For what is worth I grew up with 5 sisters, but by the time this age hit for most of them I was much older and on to doing my own thing and don't remember any of it.