Please take them for what they are...
I have a few gay friends and acquaintances. The young ones seem to jump from relationship to relationship (is it fair to say bed-to-bed?) who knows if they'll ever slow down. I know of 1 gay couple-a coworker-who has been with his partner for over 10 years, both in their early 40's, they own a home and are very much committed to each other. The older ones are tired of jumping from bed to bed and want to settle in--one of them confessed that he is honestly looking to settle down with a partner, but in the meantime, has a few casual friends who he has fun with on an ongoing basis; the plan is that once he has a partner he'll put a stop on all the casuals.
sigh!
I know this isn't the same for everyone and I'm probably just generalizing. Bottom line for me is: It just doesn't look all that appealing!! Sure some of these guys come and go and are free to do as they please, some have exciting social and cultural lives, they answer to no one and perhaps the one thing I can respect is that they are true to themselves, yeah. But at the end of the day, once the friends and hook-ups are gone, they seem lonely...personally one of my biggest fears in life that goes beyond anything is loneliness and I just woudn't know how to deal with that...Not to say that being married to a woman is a bed of roses, it isn't; and I realize that there are no guarantees in life. Kids will someday be all grown and move out, who knows what will the future bring. Is there a point I am trying to make? Am I attracted to guys for companionship, which is in no way certain, or is it the mere idea of the gay lifestyle? Does the idea of throwing it all away worth trying to be like that 1 couple among many who seems happy and content with a partner? Is it fair to say I don't even know if I want that?
Again, I am not trying to bash my very dear gay friends, sure some aspects of their lives seem great and appealing, but some others not so much. What does that say about straight relationships? How many people are genuinely happy? I have to admit that I don't know of a perfect marriage, is there even such a thing? I guess I have to start close to home: my parents? well my mom in on her 3rd marriage to my step-dad. My inlaws? I love them dearly but I hardly think of them as examples. Some of my siblings and in-laws are divorced, some are in good relationships, I woudn't dare say they're 100% happy and I may not hear much about their adventures. I know some work very hard at their relationships, but would I dare say that some of them might have the promiscous gene in them as well? I suppose at the end of the day when we have made our choices and have learned to live with them the last thing I should learn to do is contemplate if my choices are made because someone expected me to do them or if I genuinely wanted to.
If you've haven't fallen asleep or are bored out of your mind by reading this, please let me know what you think...I warned you, I'm just rambling!
some years ago I was in the navy, stationed overseas. my wife would take the kids out of school, and take off for several days or even a few weeks, traveling all around europe. when they first left, i'd think of all projects i could finish, time for myself and all that, but in just a few days a huge loneliness would set in
ReplyDeletenot that you can't be single and happy, there are advantages, but it takes a lot of work arounds.
Life is hard. Relationships aren't easy, they take effort and work, be they straight or gay.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to look at others and point out the faults of their choices and failures of their relationships. I've longed for the "boyfriend on the side". How real is that? What kind of lifestyle is that that would allow me to stay married with kids, but have a live-in boyfriend as well?
The grass is always greener somewhere else. I need to worry about watering the grass I'm standing on.
I think a lot of gay men hop from bed to bed and afterwards feel unsatisfied and yearning for they know not what.
ReplyDeleteI think what's happening is that this yearning that they have mistaken for sex is really not about sex or at the most only partially about sex.
Yet because they think the yearning is all about sex, they continue to try to satisfy that yearning with sex.
So a vicious circle forms of having more and more sex to staisfy what they think is a yearning for sex but all that sex does is leave them still unsatisfied and with a yearning they know not what.
I think that yearning is for intimacy and closeness. But testosterone is such a powerful hormone that it masks everything.
So often the gay man has to wait until his sex drive is no longer so overwhelming before he notices these other feelings.
And then many of these gay men think these other feelings are something new but I think these feelings were there all along just waiting to be discovered.
Let me know what you think.
Regards,
Philip