Saying I love you

I've had this mulling in my head for a while....I'm not sure where in my development did I embrace the concept of saying what I meant and meaning what I said. I am not sure how or where I learned this but it was very ingrained in my psyche. My immediate family never practiced the art of telling each other "I Love You". To this day I'm not sure whether that was good, bad or just plain sad. It isn't that the love was or isn't there, but it wasn't expressed verbally like that (at least not the way I was raised).

I'm not sure it was normal, but do recall exchanging occasional "I Love You-s" with my ex, but again, it wasn't something that either one of us really expressed (maybe it was a cultural thing--you know how Latin people aren't emotional or passionate about things--ha, ha---joking people!) but again, maybe I'm on to something here, I suppose in my mind it just never sounded genuine and again, maybe it was my subconscious not wanting to look like I was saying things I didn't mean (or putting effort and stock on what I really meant or didn't want to say when I felt like I wasn't being 100% in love with her--which again causes a lot of the "loving vs being in love" issues), or maybe it is one of those culturally sensitive things that you only say to your spouse/partner/better half or significant other a couple of times in your lifetime and/or unless that changes it doesn't need to be said again...I really don't know.

Telling my children I love you is a no-brainer, it requires no effort, it is as natural as breathing. I don't have to fake fatherly love to them and I think that they're used to hearing it. I typically send my kids a "good-night, I love you" text every night and my son replies almost instantly with the same and it just warms my heart. I know my daughter has issues and often times will reply "You too!" I'd like to think she refers to "I love you too" more than the fact that it might just be a "good night too"-- but I'll take the reply either way!!!

A few years ago one of my older sisters started saying "I love you" at the end of our phone conversations. To say that it was uncomfortable to hear that, let alone say it, is an understatement, but slowly but surely I am finding myself telling my siblings that I love them when I'm on the phone with them. Maybe I just need the practice and it will be more flowing and effortless, but again, sibling love is one of those things that doesn't require lots of effort, it is just there through the good times and bad. The one person that I'm having the hardest time saying "I love you" to now is my mother, can't figure that one out. It may be because I don't hear it from her---I may have posted this before but the most I've heard from her is "You're loved"---um, yeah mom, I know I'm loved, but by whom? the dog? by the postman? the bill collector? perhaps you? I see where some of my issues come from...

Finally; what in my mind would take an obscene amount of sweat and effort, one day, a few months ago watching a movie or something I turned and I blurted out to the babe that I thought loved him. I think I caused him to catch his breath for a second, then he told me that he thought he loved me too...then I proceeded to bawl like a baby for a while in his arms--that's the only way I could deal with finally telling someone from my heart the kind of romantic love I felt the way that I wanted it and pictured it to feel like--it was an amazing experience and very liberating. I don't know if he might feel comfortable me saying this, but we text back & fort a few times a day and not once has he ever missed the phrase "I love you", not to mention saying it when we see each other in person or whispering it across a table and now it is part of our conversation--this might sound cliquish but wasn't there a movie phase that said: "The greatest joy in life is to love and be loved in return"---or something like that? Whether this relationship ends up being much more than it is now, I am glad I've been able to make this breakthrough and know that it is possible to not just feel it, but also being able to express it in many ways, including verbally--fantastic feeling!!!

Do you have a hard time saying "I love you"? why, why not?