Christmas wishes and dreams...

Last year about this time I was on a downward slope with my life. I hated everything about the season, I wanted to do nothing with people and to say that I was in a funk was putting it lightly; I was depressed.

What a difference a year makes. I wasn't sure I would ever come to the point I am in now. I always worried about the pain and angst that it would cause to come out, admit to my wife/kids who I really was, but my pain and angst were also starting to show by making their lives miserable (or so I'm told); so the best way to deal with it was to pull the Band-Aids I had been using to keep everything seemingly together and let the wounds bleed. Six months have gone by and sure, things are still difficult and uncertain to a point, but I feel full of hope and possibilities.

When the holiday season started I thought: "Oh no, here we go, depression just come in and take a spot in my life, let's see how I'm going to deal with you this year!". But instead I've found that it hasn't been that hard. Sure, it has been somewhat stressful and challenging but it is nothing like it has been in the past years. I have also tried to have a better attitude and just enjoy the times. Of course it has helped that I can focus on my kids, whatever little things I can do and ways I can show them I love them.

I have also been having strange dreams about my ex. The freak me out completely and I don't know what to make of them. Often times in the dreams I think: WTF? Why are we here, where are the kids? What's going on? and then it dawns on me that I'm dreaming and my alarm clock usually goes off shortly after that---What in the heck does REM sleep have to do with that? I guess I'll have to do some research about it... or not!

This posting is just all over the place, but hey, that's how my life usually runs anyway. I'm wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, hope that you all have a great season of love and good times!