Crossroads

I'd appreciate any help/advice anyone can possibly give me here....

I'm at a crossroads

My wife and I just had a 'conversation'. She tells me that she is seeing signs and she wants to know what's going on. I'm not ready to tell her anything. Issues have been coming up between us for a few months; we seem to be living in two different time zones and we've lost total touch of how the other feels completely. She says we don't do anything together; well, I've tried to ask her to do stuff but there's always something or other going on. We are consumed by work which is stressful, she is in school almost full time which adds to her stress and overall family and health issues, not to mention this holiday season which tends to put even bigger stresses on us.

I've told her that she seems to complain about everything, work (she has changed jobs about 5 times in the last 4 years, always something or other and she's certainly not happy in her current one), school (too much of a workload, too many credits) and life (she always tells everyone we have no money--which we don't have tons to throw away, but we do ok); we have no close friends, the only outside relationships for her are her family. I told her that in her complaining it does make it sounds as if I'm the root cause of all her problems with life and honestly 90% of the time I don't know how to approach her or talk. Lack of communication brings resentment, which causes yet more lack of communication and awareness about how the other one feels, overall assumptions which most of the time are wrong of course but then comes the resentment. I overheard her talk to someone the other day about a distant relative she ran into and mentioned how the last 15 years have certainly not been kind to either the relative or her...how's a guy supposed to feel about that? I have tried to help out in every other possible way, there's nothing in the house I won't do to help out with the kids, housework, cooking, laundry, you name it...

Here is the crux of the issue: lack of sex...it just isn't there. This has always been a problem for us--or is it for me? Sure we had our honeymoon period like other couples and once kids came into the marriage things changed. I certainly have my own issues and lately it is not just hard but impossible to connect at this level...I have my share of the responsibility, I know, but honestly I seriously wonder if by fixing this (if there is even such a thing as a magical fix to this and somehow manage to have a continuous, fulfilling sex life) would everything else get fixed too?

She asked me if there is such damage on each other by trying to keep whatever this is called (certainly not a marriage), is it even worth it trying to salvage it? I also realize that you guys are reading my side of the issue only, remember that. I struggle believing that by getting lucky once or twice a week, if such a thing could even happen would fix everything else, but hey, things may be more lost than salvageable anyway. Any advice or enlightenment would be appreciated...

Interpretations and Confessions

I remember the first time I ever heard this from my young man's president. We were sitting in priesthood and this must have been one of those uncomfortable, yet needed lessons to scare horny teenage boys out of their wits: The YM president said that masturbation lead to homosexuality. I also do remember several of the guys looking down at the floor with more than an embarrassed look in their faces. A couple of years later I discovered where this principle came from: I was reading portions of the Miracle of Forgiveness and ran into this...I don't know if anyone recommends this book as a resource to anyone, but I certainly hope not!

I also remember the first time I felt so overwhelmed that I just had to ask for advice. I was away from home in a student ward and nothing was making sense to me. I asked for an appointment with the bishop; I honestly could not piece anything in my life together and it was time to find some guidance. I'm sure it was a standard question for him and I had only been asked this once from my mission president and never again: He asked if I masturbated, but I figured as long as I was sharing confessions I would tell him of 'my problem': I told him that I felt attracted to guys. This must have taken every ounce of dignity out of me, because I sat there and bawled. Again, I'm pretty sure he had heard this before and must have had canned answers ready for every problem, because after a minute or so and without any other explanation told me that this would stop when I got married. I never went back to that ward again, I just couldn't bring myself to do it and found a family ward to attend and never ever brought it up with anyone at church again.

This was 1991...I really hope none of this non-sense is being taught in the church anymore. Now in retrospect, I still made my choices, I am really not trying to put blame on anyone here, I believe everyone probably did/does and gives the best possible advise advise when asked...