The Facebook Connondrum of My So Called Life...

I’ve debated posting this note on the infamous Facebook for several months and it I think it is about time it gets published but would like to know if anyone has any wisdom to share. I think it is time for me to stop tippy-toeing around many issues and post about more about the stuff I really want and talk about and so forth. I have the example of a few Mohos that have done this part of me says it isn’t a big deal and part says it is, so that’s where I don’t really know what to do. So I drafted something that goes like this:

I signed up for this social network roughly in November of 2008, not really knowing what to expect and soon enough I was connecting with people back to my days in middle school back in Mexico, high school in Houston, mission, church days, past & present work, old and new friends made all in between all those times and of course, immediate and extended family.

I don’t consider my life to be that extraordinary, but experiences and events in my life have made it what it is & the people who have been in and out of it through the years have definitely shaped to be what it is, for better or worse… So where does that leave little ordinary me? While I don’t expect everyone to know everything about me at all times, and agree/disagree with me, I find that I censor myself here a lot (who doesn’t?). The people that are close to me know enough of what's going on and I like that, but there are times when I am still in fear of offending people's feelings and I suppose in an attempt to make everyone aware of what’s really going on in my life and the people I interact on site together, here it goes:

I used to go to middle school, but I don’t anymore

I used to go to high school, but I graduated many years ago! 

I was a missionary in Mexico for the LDS church a long time ago, but that was then

I was married for 16 years, but I am divorced now

I have two amazing and beautiful children who are very smart, outspoken, and feisty and the light of my life

I have not been an active Mormon for several years

I am a gay man and I am finally comfortable with who I am and who I’ve become. I am dating someone at the moment (he's doesn't do the Facebook thing, BTW) at the same time learning how to mesh and combine all the parts of my life that have got me where I am and where my life leads.

If you’re still reading this far, I need to clarify that just as all the different areas of my life it is just that, things about me; they all are components of my life, not the one thing that makes me as an individual but one of my goals in 2011 is to work hard at  being a better me. I don't expect everyone to agree and sure enough I wouldn't be surprised to lose some of you, that's OK, it is part of life and I accept it.

Is it even worth posting it? Any thoughts?

November Theme: What are you thankful for?

1. My children-- they bring me joy, they make me proud papa and make it all better with a big hug, no matter what may be going on in our lives.
2. The babe--I only talk about him in general terms here but he's an amazing, loving, funny, handsome and caring guy that came to rescue me from myself in times when I wasn't sure I'd make it through the next hour, let alone the next day.
3. Family and extended relatives who show their love and care. I wish that distance was easier on all of us to share in more good times in person.
4. Friends that I learn from, who show me love and care, who check up on me and take even just a minute to say hey, text their pictures and the occasional hello for no reason---you all rock!!
5. Good health and the occasional aches and pain that make me appreciate the times when all is well with this aging body.
6. A job that allows me to make a decent living and challenges me to be a better employee each day.
7. The Internets that allow me to stay in touch and connected with people especially on those odd nights when insomnia kicks my butt and allows me to learn and appreciate people from all walks of life around the world.
8. The dog who seems to know just when I need a lick in the face or he'll just come and sit on my lap as if to say "I got your back, no one can mess with us"
9. Hope. Hope that things can always get better even if they don't seem to at a given moment.
10. For making it through such a roller-coaster year of emotions, angst, and sometimes sad times, but also was lucky enough to have plenty of good, sweet and happy times as well.

The Father's Daughter

I don't know if this qualifies as TMI but in an effort keep thoughts fluid I am going to write about it here and see if anyone dares give me an opinion and if nothing else it might just be pure entertainment as part of my blog narrative (see above for the train wreck reference).

I have a 10 (almost 11 year old) daughter. She is very mature for her age physically, mentally and quite precocious--of course I am biased and unashamed, I'm her dad!!!! This is the kid that the minute she was born she proceeded to wrap everyone around her little finger and me, along with her mom and brother became her staff. When she was in daycare she used to get bored and teachers actually sent her to the pre-school classes so she could have learned to write her name and started reading around age 3-4; she has always been ahead of the curve in that respect. Her family drawings were the best and even a friend of the family who was studying to be a psychologist mentioned that she had a very strong sense of family and God forbid, if that ever changed she'd have a real hard time dealing with it.

We have enjoyed as close as relationship as a dad/daughter can have. I've never been one to shy away from any topic and we've talked openly and candidly about a lot of things. When I came out to my kids a few months ago, almost immediately she said: "You two are going to split up, aren't you?" She was probably the last thread that kept me together with her mom for so long, I knew my son would likely be OK, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her--but I still did it. Her main house is at her mom's and I am lucky that at least when in school I get to see her almost every day. We sometimes get into deep conversations in which she tells me things that she says hasn't mentioned to anyone else, including mom--score for me, right?--however, sometimes I sense and feel her anger lashed at me. She'll say things like: "Dad, you're such a jerk" or "Gee dad, you're so dumb". She'll find ways to put me down, either being by ourselves or in front of other people. They may sound like innocent enough things but sometimes I sit there and wonder if I should do/say anything about it, part of me says I deserve it, I've pretty much wrecked her little life and part of me says in spite of everything I am still the dad, I should be respected.

I posed this question at the last Gay Father's meeting and received good input from other dads who have gone or are going through a similar situation. Among their thoughts were:

1. You're not her friend, you are her dad. You need to demand respect from her.
2. She probably has no other venue to express her anger/anxiety and although it might suck, she probably feels safe enough venting it on you, which is probably the better part, rather than her expressing her anger in self-destructive or other type of behavior.
3. She is going through a lot of changes, biological, mental as a tween and she'd probably still lash out to you even if you were still together with her mom, that's what 11 year old females typically go through.
4. Spend a lot of time with her 1 on 1. Do activities she likes to do, share a lot of things with her that both of you enjoy (and even some that you might not, the payoff in the end is amazing!) & continue letting her know that you're still there for her in every show and deed.

I honestly liked the input received. There may be more of the thoughts I heard, but that's the gyst of what I remember. I've tried to show her how important she and her brother are (and have even included mom in some of the activities we've done). The perspectives helped me see things not just from the "Look at me, I'm the abused one" in the relationship. So are there any additional thoughts or input that anyone might have? Any other pointers I can follow or anything else I need to be aware of? For what is worth I grew up with 5 sisters, but by the time this age hit for most of them I was much older and on to doing my own thing and don't remember any of it.